In honor of the NFL Draft weekend...

I love this weekend. It's almost like a fresh start, but it never lives up to what we're told it should be. It's just a lot of fun to have the idea that all of these kids can take your team to the Super Bowl, even though it's about 50/50 that the kids make an impact the year they are drafted.

Given the importance of the weekend, I'd like to do my own little mock draft.

1.) With the first pick of the 2009 COWHN draft, the Church of Scientology takes: The talking Donkey from the book of Numbers. This pick is easy to understand. A talking donkey? What would get the kids involved in the movement of Scientology more than that? But that's beside the point, this Donkey has a higher Thetan level than even John Travolta's boyfriend (allegedly).













2.) With the second overall pick of the 2009 COWHN draft, The Church Of What's Happening Now selects: Job! After hearing about his hardships, the Church of What's Happening Now decided to give this man of God a good home after a rough season. Why is he always picked on? I don't get it. Boils? Really? Boils? Man, that's rough. Besides, his illusions are amazing (tricks are what a whore does for money).







3.) The third pick in the COWHN draft belonged to the Catholics but in a surprise move, they traded down (although terms of the deal are sketchy, apparently the Catholic Church recieved Martin Luther so he could end his career where it started), although they really could have used a good offensive lineman, the Pope made the trade saying "We don't believe in protection." (Waka Waka!!!)











3.) The third pick in the draft goes to the Westboro Baptist Church, and they select: Jesus Christ. But like John Elway and Eli Manning before him, Jesus refuses to join the team. "Apparently these Assholes weren't paying attention to anything I had to say. These guys are fucking nuts!" Jesus told ESPN (through ESP).











There you have it the top 3 picks of the 2009 Church of What's Happening Now draft.